Please keep John & Jean Matlock in your prayers...

So how do I start?   I've tried to start this blog entry three of four times but I'm at a loss for words.  Today started out fine and dandy... a couple of good deals at some garage sales, picked up the Twilight DVD at Target, and met Narine at Burke Williams for a well-deserved massage and Rip Tide for some yummy sushi, and then headed over to return some of the clothes I had bought at Layne Bryant (and the nemesis lady returned the items for me--ughhh) and a vase that broke to Crate & Barrel, when my mom called and asked me if I was sitting down.  No conversation ever goes well if it's starts with the "are you sitting down?" question.  I was then told that the doctors said that my grandpa John was going to leave us within the next seven days.  

It all started about a month ago when he broke his leg (he is a very active 80-something year old...you wouldn't think he was 80 if you met him).  After a few tests they found he had tumors throughout his body that were making all of his bones so weak that they were breaking.  They put him in skilled-nursing for a week or so, then sent him home.  Then a few weeks later he broke his arm.  This time they did more tests and found he had stage four cancer, but they were positive and were going to treat him with chemo.  They started his chemo right away (last saturday) and they told him that side effects would occur within the next 3-5 days. But nothing happened. He was feeling good.  Then, yesterday he was feeling really tired and started to hallucinate a little, they went to change him and found that he was extensively bleeding.  They rushed him to the ICU at San Clemente hospital.  That night after my grandma had left to go home and sleep, he made a decision to tell the doctors and nurses that he was done trying. He knew it was his time.  He didn't want the blood transfusion (which would help increase his white blood cells), or any antibiotics--he knew he didn't have the strength and that his body was dying.My grandma came this morning to find that he had made his decision.  Luckily my Uncle Dave had come down again to help her out when he heard, and eventually my mom (who went up to Santa Barbara for my brother-in-laws birthday)  found out.

Since just my Uncle was able to help, my mom said if I had the time to go down there to be with my grandma, I should go.  I couldn't shop anymore after this news, so I headed to the hospital.  When I walked in, my grandma was with a woman from her ward sitting on a couch.  She stood up and hugged me so hard and started crying really hard.  I thought I was a strong one, but to see my grandma cry for the first time in my life  and to realize the extent of what was happening was too much for me and I started to bawl.  We stood there and cried for a while.  She asked me if I wanted to see him and we went to his room, where he had been moved out of ICU and into Saddleback Hospice.  

When I walked in my grandma said, hey look who's here, it's Debbie!  He was fully coherent, and said Hi Debbie, How are you? I told him I wish I wasn't seeing him in these circumstances and he said he was so relived to have made the decision.  My grandma went on about how he was going to be going to such a better place and how wonderful Heaven is and somehow we were talking about who he was going to see when he was up there. Somehow I was asked who I would want him to say hi to for me... and I asked him to say hello to my future children, and to let them know that I was excited to meet them someday.  He then said they were lucky to have me as a mom.  I was so touched and so saddened by the whole situation.

The rest of the day is somewhat a blur as I sat with my grandma and uncle for 7 hours as his other family members came in and out to see him.  I was close to my grandpa John.  He is an amazing man and I am so sad that we are going to lose him.  He was my grandma's everything.  This will be the second husband that she has had to lose (my first grandpa died of a heart attack at 54).  It seems unfair that she has to go through this as well.  I can tell that she feels helpless.  She is one of the most strong women that I know. She's always working hard and fighting.  She never gives up.  And to have to honor his wishes is going to be one of the hardest things she'll ever have to go through.  

My mom arrived around 9:15 tonight at the hospital with Amanda.  I took them in to see grandpa.  He was in and out of sleep because the nurses gave him some medication to help him sleep.  But he was awake enough when we came in.  He kept muttering to my mom "tell your mother I'm sorry."  It was one of the most heart wrenching things I ever felt.  

This whole day has been an emotional blur.  I don't think he's going to make it to seven days.  It's funny because I am so sad that he is going to be leaving us, but yet so happy about where he's going... and then I'm so sad that my grandma has to go through this.  

John is an amazing, caring, loving, fun, intelligent, successful man whom I have always looked up to.  He's had a wonderful life full of family, faith, and devotion. He says he's not in pain and that he's relieved to be going home.   

I hope these next few days he has left go well for him.  Please keep him and my family in your prayers. I know we're going to need it this week.